Self-Portrait as Judas

Sara Moore Wagner

When we try to open the gate, it sticks

like a rib inside a carcass. You pull it 

with your free hand, the other is holding 

the wild lily you picked me, and I dropped

when I thought you wouldn't know. The gate

sticks and you pull it with your shoulders 

and your back even though I say don't

pull with your back, and you say goddammit,

Sara. God damn it. Look at the hollowed tree,

the one you want me to climb 

even though I told you I couldn't ever

do it. Look at that lily.

The least you could do is help me. At least.

You couldn't make me want 

the open gate and sky or branches, 

your free hand. The other one. 

When I was a girl, I made chains out of dandelions.

You'll know why I pick one and crush it into 

the soft of your cheek, to mark it. Mark it. 

You want me to be still because a single

cow is passing in front of that tired oak. 

You think everything is something, 

but it's not.