Kaveh Akbar
I don't want bullets
in my poems so I'll say
the gun under my mattress
was a toy I'll say it was
a performance of fitness
I was desperate a gasping
catfish the gun was a game
I couldn't play I was
missing pieces so
now I'm saved so what
a moment's inattention
could still send me straight
back into god's sun-
dress I just want to be
liked want to strike sadness
from the record it's almost
mercenary stand by while
I mumble myself
earnest while I quote poorly
from the Shahnameh all
men must die it is vain
to mourn the man I hoped
to become burned alive in
a barrel of oil he left
me with this procession
of pronouns I live because
what else is there his
ash my pulse our grief